joshie (adosodatothemax) wrote,

  • Music:
eff word. yeah. rachel knows about my journal. so this is it. this is the fairwell. thanks for being there with me. if i start a new one you will be the first to know. well. maybe not. but it's possible.
so long and thanks for all the socks. this is an email (part) i recieved a few minutes ago.

You told me you loved me for 4 years, you said you wanted to marry me, for godsakes you even bought a ring. I remember that day many years ago when you came over to my house for lunch after church. that night, your mom said to me, josh thinks he is going to marry you, that was just hours after meeting me. I cant help but keep going back to that night and think, where did i go wrong, what did i do that was so awful to make you not want me anymore. i have nightmares every night about this, i wake up crying i go through my whole day crying and i fall asleep crying thinking, what should i have done different. i sometimes wish my life was over so that i wouldnt have to hurt anymore. and just when i think i might be alright, something else happens, than it starts all over again. I dont think you will ever be able to comprehend the pain you have caused me. and i only hope that one day, you will feel the pain i feel now, so that you will know what you have done to me.
the last thing i want is for you to be mad at me, and i know this email is going to probably upset you, but i just have to say what i feel. i have so much more im thinking yet i cant put it into words so this is it for now, i guess

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